So tonight (well, strictly speaking, last night...), I was talking with Paige and B when the conversation came around to an interesting and little dealt-with topic. The topic is that of the Open House. Now, apparently, this is somewhat of a regional "thing". People around here do not typically have parties, nor do they often invite guests for dinner. This is because they employ another method of "socialization" and "hospitality", which is the open house.
Now the correct definition of "open house" is this: an event at which your voluntary presence is mandatory. In other words, you don't have to show up... you just have to show up. The other defining feature of an open house is the food. For any occasion, be it birth, baptism, birthday, graduation, profession of faith, engagement, new house, old house, returning from a trip to anyplace but Branson, recovery from surgery, new job, anniversary, and ultimately death, the same meal will be served with only slight variations. This meal will involve ham buns, meatballs of dubious origin, potato salad, limp carrot sticks, a suspect looking molded jello, and red punch. A dead spread, if you will.
Even the church is not immune; dead spreads were created by the ministering ancient biddies of church catering commitees. And churches often put on open houses, though sometimes under different names. Not sure if your church function is an open house? Was it in the fellowship hall? If so, and if it is not a potluck, it is an open house. However, if the function occurred outside on church property (e.g. the parking lot), it was an ice cream social. What's that? There was no ice cream? And no socializing? Doesn't matter - it was still an ice cream social.
Which brings us to an important point. If you attend a private open house during the fine weather months, realize that the words "open" and "house" are not strictly speaking correct. The hosts welcome you into their driveway, garage, and sometimes their front yard. You will not be seeing the interior of the house. And don't even think about asking to use their bathroom. This is simply not done. Why! You might track dirt into their home! The very thought! Just ease up on the red punch and try a piece of cake. Yeah, cake. Mmmmmm.
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7 comments:
Darling - next time try counting to ten before blogging...
Only try the cake if it's got real frosting... some people cheap out and get the coolwhip kind on their sheet cakes and that is SO unkind!
I open my house up a lot but I wouldn't dream of calling it an open house. See, "open house" implies that you're welcome in the house, all of it. When you're invited to someone’s home, have you noticed how you're usually banned from the upstairs? If one were to have a true open house, folks would be able to take a gander at the closets, bedrooms and other various upstairs locations. If we were really being honest, we would call it an "open to some but not all of my house, the some being limited to those locations which I hereby grant you permission to enter into but take notice that you are hereby banned from those places in which you have not been given consent, express or implied house."
Why exactly are you so upset about openhouses my dear? Do you need counseling?
NL - Janna and a certain Mrs. Pickering did indeed once help themselves to the upstairs floor of their host, armed with toilet paper and intent on redecorating someone's bedroom. Shocking, I know...
I really have no idea what you might be talking about, dear mother! Me??? Involved in a prank? Never!!!
To address Moes' earlier comment - quite right about the frosting. The cheapo frosting is always disappointing. It had better be good quality buttercream. That's all I'm sayin'
I've attended a few of NL's open to some but not all of my house, the some being limited to those locations which I hereby grant you permission to enter into but take notice that you are hereby banned from those places in which you have not been given consent, express or implied houses, and the food is always superb! Unfortunately I am not able to be in attendance at all of these events, but folks, until you've eaten at St-that is NL's you haven't lived. HE would NEVER spring for cheap frosting.
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