Chia Pet, Nigel - age unknown
passed away recently of a rare combination
of underwatering, overwatering, and owner separation anxiety.
Nigel passed on to his eternal reward alone and thirsty,
devoid of the love and support of family or friends.
Mr. Pet was a former Green Beret and an avid tap-dancer.
He loved a good drink every now and then
which was, unfortunately, his ruination.
Survivors:
owner, Marion Lanning,
last seen in the ironically green mountains of Vermont;
caretaker, Joy "Dr. Death" Jurries;
life partner, "Mr. Turkey" Baster;
a host of nieces and nephews.
Composting to be performed pending notification of next of kin.
Nigel (what there is of him) reposes on the kitchen counter;
there will be no visitation.
No flowers, please.
Memorials may be made to Miracle-Gro or Chia Pets for Life.
Arrangements by Ronco Fine Family Undertakers
(Fine Families Undertaken Daily)
"To know Nigel was to love him"
passed away recently of a rare combination
of underwatering, overwatering, and owner separation anxiety.
Nigel passed on to his eternal reward alone and thirsty,
devoid of the love and support of family or friends.
Mr. Pet was a former Green Beret and an avid tap-dancer.
He loved a good drink every now and then
which was, unfortunately, his ruination.
Survivors:
owner, Marion Lanning,
last seen in the ironically green mountains of Vermont;
caretaker, Joy "Dr. Death" Jurries;
life partner, "Mr. Turkey" Baster;
a host of nieces and nephews.
Composting to be performed pending notification of next of kin.
Nigel (what there is of him) reposes on the kitchen counter;
there will be no visitation.
No flowers, please.
Memorials may be made to Miracle-Gro or Chia Pets for Life.
Arrangements by Ronco Fine Family Undertakers
(Fine Families Undertaken Daily)
"To know Nigel was to love him"
23 comments:
Poor Nigel, we hardly knew thee.
I'm not sure if I should be amused or deeply disturbed.
Your probably deeply disturbed.
that's "you're"
Oh the tradgity, that this should be revisited upon us!!!!
I think we should remember all the good times spent with Nigel, rather than focusing on his unfortunate passing. It was an accident, really it was, and it was apparently his time to go. And he was sick when we got him - really, really sick!! Mr. NotLiberal, what is the statute of limitations for involuntary plantslaughter? I may need your counsel...
Ah the heart still bleeds upon every recollection of my dear departed chia pet. I'll never forget those all night tap-dancing marathons. My dear darling Nigel... COME BACK TO ME!
*sob*
M.
MOAJ...NL charges large and unreasonable amounts...just so you know:-) Also, to all of you who are having trouble in this time of turmoil, please talk to someone you trust or a counseler or therApist *ahem ME* to help get you through this.
The criminal statute of limitations is 1 year. However, on the civil end of things we have two options. If there is simple negligence we have 3 years in which to file suit, if there is gross negligence we have 1 year from the time we discover the damage. I say we sue sue sue!
Ha! The statute of limitations has long since passed then! We are free to neglect more Chia Pets!
Dear Matlock,
I am apparently the one who ushered Nigel into the great compost pile in the sky, and would likely be the target of any/all negligence lawsuits. So thanks so much for the "sue, sue, sue!"
Marion - do you still love me?
What a difficult day...
Joy (or as my own daughter refers to me, "Dr. Death". I kept her alive, didn't I?!))
Oh well Dear old Mother of All Jurries, your kindness in running Ma and Pa Jurries Boarding House for Starving Parsons' Brats is a bright childhood memory. Besides, it's been too long, and really, it would only sully the happier memories I have of dear Nigel to get tangled in a nasty lawsuit.
With Love,
M.
Hmm...u could sue and then donate the money to me?
Then they would still be sullying the dear memories of Nigel.
He took his last breath of cabon monoxide...and gave up the chlorophyl
Oh NO Evie, that would be taking something bad and turning it into something good...kind of like organ donating!!
Oh dear.
I had not intended to stir up emotional hubris or legal strife by posting this. Folks, try to remember what a creature of peace Nigel was. Let's remember the happy times and forget the sad. Look forward with Nigel's trademark cheeriness on the future that does admittedly look blank without him.
Nigel would not want us to be sad, but to go on with our lives, and to appreciate grass and herbs and micro-greens and such-like.
We could, like, form the Order of Nigel of something. But I think people would be suspicous of an ogranization that centers around what is essentialy grass.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Duck weed is what it is all about! You know, the stuff that grows on small ponds and swamps? Definately not grass.
"Lemna minor"
Hmm, does mark do that a lot Janna? Is he always high??
craMp...what would the MOV DO with the money for me exactly??
I'm high on life, nothing else.
Oh don't worry craMp, you can just not moniter me and devote your time the these other erroring people!!
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